Monday, October 10, 2005

Damn Women, Feedin' Me Poison!!!

Well I can't really blame it on her... and by not really I mean not at all. At one time in my life I looked at my body, well my stomach anyway, like a tree shredder. You know the one's that they aim into the back of a truck. Everytime you see one and there's someone with you they talk about someone being dragged through it because they caught a sleeve or something. I thought this was a great description of my stomach, because the realities were the same. You come to close and you may be pulled in along with my french fries.
I could have sworn that my pit was cast in iron. Pizza YES, more Pepsi YES, Peppers well heck YES, 20 minutes later you say were having chili. But as my Pepecid AC addicted friend Jeremy likes to say "it burns".
So I now realize that I can't eat molten lava anymore, and I have gotten the message loud and clear from my body. I don't think it's fooling around anymore. Because if the warning shot it fired across my bow in the bathroom was any indication to the future I am in it DEEP brother.
So for me it is now the life of a rabbit who drinks Pepsi. My tree grinder has now been scaled back to an almost fully operational garbage disposal, that needs the water running to really work well.
So a page has turned.
Well bring it on I say, and pass the fat free ranch, this stuff tastes like CRAP!


Anonymous said...

Glad I stopped by. You have a nice blog (something I have yet to get started).

Kind Regards


Jeremy said...


That was funny as hell man. Nice descriptive use of the wood shredder. Does any of this have anything to do with the dinner my wife made us....... almost a week ago?


Anonymous said...

Poor Jeremy, Poor Aaron. Must be an age thing. No wait, I don't have any problems with eating anything and everything. Well, except for my bulging gut that gets in the way when I tie my shoes. You poor young guys.

Dad (Duane)

Karate Explosion said...

Does this have anything to do with the time i karate exploded in my pants?

I pooped on the side of the road this morning on my way to work.

Perry P. Perkins said...

I've been waiting for this post.

It's step one of the curse that Phil and I laid on you many years ago.

One morning soon you will wake up to suddenly discover none of your pants fit and you've suddenly got this big beer gut that no amount of excersize will take away.

Eating celery will make you fat and just the SMELL of bbq will add 5 pounds.

My only sympathy is for my little sister..who, in all fairness, was warned.

For you, there is only the echoing of our laughter as you nibble rice cakes and peruse the "comfort-fit" waistband aisle of Wal-Mart.


van.diesel said...

Ugh. Fat-free ranch. *shudder*