Wednesday, December 14, 2005

The Game is Dead to Me

I had read my friend Parkers post the other day about his favorite poker moments in the shed. For those of you who don't know what the shed was, it was a 14X8 foot sorry excuse for a building that housed the greatest poker moments of my life. The inside walls were covered in plywood, with playing cards stapled around the 3 windows. It was cold as hell in the winter, but we had Mr. Heater to keep as warm, and almost make us unconscious from his toxic fumes. We would smoke cigars until we had to open the door to vent the cloud.

In this reminisce about the shed it dawned on me that my favorite poker memories have nothing to do with the hands that were played, but the guys that I was playing them with. We once had a guy who had been grazed by a bullet show up for poker. And people sell books so they could play. We started everynight with Hank Williams Jr. On vinyl of course. We had characters there, guys you could set your watch to. Guys you could count on. We were poker before poker was cool. And all we had was an extention cord from the house and a light clamped to a 2X4 beam.

I write this to say I now know why the game holds no magic for me any more. The characters are gone.

So goodbye Pegg, goodbye Masterson, Parker, Corey, The Janey, Patrick, Furey, Samwise, River Phoenix, Skinner, Shane, and any other poor sucker we let in that joint.

Most of all goodbye poker...You are dead to me.

Saturday, December 10, 2005


OK... We have all stubbed our toes before. I am not talking about the dingger, I talking about the kind where if your foot would have followed through on it's course you would have kicked a 45 yard field goal. The pain is so instantaneous that it feels like it was staging a preemptive strike on your nervous system. Like there are sensors down there that alert the brain to the certain dome of your big toe.
I want to talk about the worst two types of kicks and the natural reaction.

The first one is the "your moving quickly almost running and you just smash any of your toes into something low" This I believe is the most common and generally draws the common reaction which is to fall down or hop to something to fall down on, then you just hold it and try and pretend the pain away.

The second is what I feel is the worst. You again are moving quickly when you come in contact with a firm stationary object. But when you drop kick that mother your toes split on the object. Causing you to think of childbirthing, and that you COULD handle that pain,but this...this is just too much. The reaction to this is sometimes the drop, you know what I mean. Or my personal preference is the runaway. Where you take off from the scene of the crime like a felon hoping that the pain will be left behind. But alas it is not, which is why you spend the next five minutes staring at your toe,wondering if you could exist without it.

I often wonder why there is so much feeling in that part of the body, like a little nerve bank down there. Like all the nervous that should have been in your elbow skin and scalp are all down there in the very tip of your big and little toe.

Friday, December 02, 2005

For Your Amusement

Sometimes funny things don't happen to me, which in turn makes it difficult to write funny things down. Which is something that I like to do. I like to make people laugh, at almost any expense.
So I have tried to fill those droughts of hilarity with thoughts I've had or something that I've worked on. But alas that went over like a led balloon. I have discovered that I am here for your amusement. And the funny thing is that it's a cage that I have created. I need your laughs so bad that I can't stand to disappoint. And this is not just here on this blog, but everywhere. I need accolades like nobody's business.
But I have preconditioned everyone around me to think I am joking 100% of the time. So if you don't like something that I did in all seriousness I can say ohhh I was just joking. So I have decided to not worry so much if you like what I write or make. It's for me anyway...

...Well that's not true either.

quick somebody laugh, I think I'm gonna cry.